“Gosh, please stop saying weird things, Moriah. Unfollowing you now….”
Okay, well before you do that, listen to my explanation.
The Spoon Theory
Christine Miserandino came up with a great theory/analogy to explain the life of someone who fights a chronic illness. You can read the whole theory here, but I am going to sum it up.
Christine has Lupus, and one time was having a conversation with a friend who wanted to better understand what her life was like. Christine handed her twelve spoons and then proceeded to walk her through an average day. Not only did her friend have to make the typical hard choices that someone with chronic illness faces, Christine took some spoons away as unexpected live events happened.
By the end of the “game”, her friend was in tears. She had no idea that Christine’s life was that hard. It can be very different to decide how to use your energy when you don’t know how much you have, just that it won’t last all day.
It feels like my normal life has been ripped out of my hands. I don’t have control over the amount of tasks that I can complete, and whether or not I’ll make it through a grocery shopping trip. I hardly have any spoons in my hands these days.
This Week
I haven’t been sleeping well this week. It can be a be a side effect of Lyme’s (see this post), and it has majorly affected my functioning. Thursday, I fell asleep on my living room floor at 9 in the morning. And slept for an hour. My roommate had to try three times to wake me up.
Definitely not my norm…..
Yesterday I took the afternoon and evening off so that I could rest. I laid down watching movies for five hours before I had enough energy to shower.
It is so frustrating to feel like I can’t even lift my arms.
Most chronic illnesses are called ‘invisible illnesses’, but when I look in the mirror I can see a difference.
Purple and green undereye circles from not sleeping well give me the appearance of having black eyes.
Mottled and red skin from all of the immune system fighting that is happening in my body.
Somehow also a pale face.
If I have the energy, some makeup makes me feel a little bit more normal, and Lyme’s a little bit more invisible.
Annnnnnnnd, I’ve choked down a lot of supplements. I hate swallowing pills. I’m also really bad at swallowing them. Just ask my mom….
“These pills are keeping me alive. These pills are helping me feel better.”
One day at a time, Moriah. One day at a time.
