@lebishpsychology took some photos of me as part of her series The Couch. Check out her post for her thoughts on the three times that she has photographed me and for more of her series! Leanne always makes me feel safe, seen, and beautiful.
I love how clearly you can see my tattoo in the first picture. It is a line from an @paramore song and reads “I’m not afraid of hurting anymore.” I got this tattoo a few years ago as a reminder to myself that I’m no longer afraid of my depression because I’m stronger than it and I love the passion it has given me for psychology and my work.
Here’s what I wrote to accompany these photos:
“In the past few years I have become more confident in who I am and my identities, but I have been in an environment that doesn’t value who I am. I feel unsafe being authentic, but hiding parts of myself like my bisexual identity or my lived experience with chronic mental illnesses negatively impacts my mental health.
I am also in school working on my PsyD in clinical psychology to become a licensed psychologist. We are taught that who we are and how we integrate our identities impacts our clinical work and research.
It has taken a significant toll on my mental health to have to constantly adjust my level of authenticity in each situation to try and protect my safety. I know that feeling unsafe makes it harder to fully engage and it’s difficult to feel like I can’t change that.
I’m tired and I’m lonely. But I still love myself, and I believe in the work that I’m doing. I know that I won’t feel this unsafe forever.”